LLama Racing: SLOW Results
KASSERI BLOWS 'EM AWAY IN SARASOTA
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 The Racing Llama Kasseri, along with Boatkitten
and Rx4FlaFun smoked the competition in the first annual Suncoast Llama
Offshore Wars.
Kasseri (pictured above having a post race treat of oateys) was challenged
early in the race by Laser's Rabies Vac but according to
sources close to that team, drool and spit temporarily blinded Rabies,
allowing Kasseri to cruise to victory. After the race Rabies
Vac said "it
's not my fault man, and anyway I got the kilo record so get off my *&^
before I bite somebody!"Coming in third was Boob's entry Holy Bull. Although Holy Bull was an alpaca and not a Factory Llama, inspector A. Corn said "at least the guy finally showed up, let's give him one." Mike A's entry, Alpo, was running a strong third for most of the race, but a late race collision with Holy Bull put them out of the running. Alpo is said to be considering litigation against Holy Bull, which may prevent Holy Bull from racing in Palm Beach.  Fourth
Place went to Llamotion, (right) E. Engler's
llamer, who proved to be excellent in the rough conditions.Fifth went to Flamenco H82luz1's "gang llama, who despite threats to "bust a cap" in anybody who didn't wear black to the drivers meeting, was penalized 10 minutes for stopping in the middle of the race and abusing a spectator on the beach who was "dissen' him." Probobly the most suprising finish was that of MoonPie the Propnut/AOF entry, who actually made it to the milling area, and might have finished higher had he not missed a turn buoy and cruised to Venice (FL) before realizing his mistake. "That won't happen in Palmetto, or Palm Beach or wherever", MoonPie said. Billy Badarse's llama Gurdie led several laps of the race, but faded early and went to the pits...Mr. Badarse has been unavailable for comment, and rumor has it that the team went to the cranes upon seeing Mrs. Badarse among the spectator fleet. Last but not least was GOBB's entry Weeniehuffer who allegedly entered the bikini contest the night before the race. A Sarasota Herald Tribunal photographer was quoted as saying "I don't get paid enough money for this *$&#% man" ... Sources close to the team said that Gobb and Weenie partied into the wee hours, which may explain why Weehiehuffer blew a seal on the second lap and retired. Gobb and WH beached themselves on Siesta Key, and were seen leaving town with a tarp over WH, before the media or inspection teams could determine which seals were blown or what damage may have been done... Andrew Corn's llama Seadad sat the race out because of a possible conflict of interest with Mr. Corn racing and being an inspector. Jr.Vet, who trained Seadad, has vowed to enter him in Palm Beach, saying "chicks rule, ask the winners." |