Llama Racing: Palm Beach Results

LLama Racing: Palm Beach Results

LLAMOTION LOSES TO "EMOTION"

Eric Englers's Llamotion (right) sporting a "too cool for school paint job", sacrifices an insurmountable lead by mounting some unidentified "hay bales" on the race course. "It was love at first sight!" says Llamotion

For immediate release:
West Palm Beach, FL

It wasn't a "dog food" performance at West Palm Beach as ALPO cruised to victory in the latest SLOW event. Driver Mike A was heard exclaiming "T-SHIRTS FOR THE ENTIRE TEAM and BEER for Llamafeeder," as he celebrated in the Winners Circle. They ran a strong second most of the day behind LLAMOTION, but the Engler Racing Engines entry abandoned the race midway, apparently falling head over hoof for some "hay" bales floating on the course. Eric E has been unavailable for comment.

Points leader KASSERI and the gang llama FLAMENCO failed to start the race. Neither showed up for the pre race drivers meeting, and were disqualified. They were last seen dirty dancing in the bar the evening before, and while Boatkitten and Rx4FlaFun are distraught, other entrants were heard to say "typical chick" Can Kasseri redeem herself in St. Pete? Time will tell.

A BIG suprise was in store for the Propnut/AOF team as MOONPIE (the clueless llama) finished third and advanced greatly in the point standings. MOONPIE missed no turns and makes us wonder just how clueless he really is. He still appears clueless. When asked about the race, MOONPIE'S only comment was "DOH".

Gobb24's entry WEENIEHUFFER was as usual, partying all night and on the third lap, was ejected from the boat, and was last seen floating out to sea clinging to SPEEDBUMP, the USER entry. The Coast Guard searched for about 5 minutes and concluded that they were abducted by aliens. It's probably just as well... Inspector A.Corn and Jr.Vet were waiting, scalpel and rulebook in hand for post race inspection of SPEEDBUMP.

The Boob Bull entry HOLY BULL the Racing Alpaca, did not show. It was rumored that HOLY BULL'S swim platform had modifications and they were obviously aware of A.Corns threat to do a thorough inspection.

Fourth went to ARONOW, the Harry L. entry. It was Aronow's first appearance this season, and will definitely be a threat in St. Pete, unless someone caps him.

Fifth went to Team Ric's UGGLLAMY, who is so darned ugly that Mike J's BAYLLAMA and Mike C's SCARALLAMA retired upon seeing UGGLLAMY attempt to pass. BAYLLAMA was last seen getting her hooves redone , saying "There ought to be a rule against something like that!" Clearly there is a rule, as A.Corn (official inspector) found a cleverly hidden nitrous tank in UGGLLAMY's head, disqualifying him instantly.

Fifth in turn went to GOODFELLAMA, the CoolWhip entry who is rumored to have taken out contracts on everybody else in the class.

Sixth was a battle between Kent P's LLAMALINER and another underpowered team, LAM700X's LLAMABOUT. They ran literally neck and neck, but LLAMALINER prevailed and is supposedly in contract talks with BAYLINER for sponsorship. LAM700X was pleased with his 7th place showing, but complained "I didn't get a dam t-shirt man!"

Another first timer, Joseph J. O'Tooles IRISH O'LLAMA failed the breathalyzer test at the drivers meeting. A.Corn was willing to give him a pass, but he also failed the "broomstick catch". Interviewed by ESPN he was heard to say "hell I got no thumbs whaddya expect... HIC." A decision is pending on suspension.

Eighth place went to Mike Lees' BAD BERTHA, followed by Ben's ELLIMILLAMA, who had a heck of a time running in a real ocean like the Atlantic. Supposedly they are going to miss St. Pete, and run a West Coast race in a few weeks. SLOW hopes to have a reporter on hand.

Tenth place went to GURDIE, who we are glad to see finally finished a race. Perhaps Mr. Badarse has patched things up with Mrs. Badarse and can continue to race and claim a portion of the points race.

DNF's went to: RABIES VAC, the Laser entry. Jr.Vet insisted he get some shots before the race but Jr.Vet's reputation (completely unfounded) for inflicting pain caused RABIES to back out. "I'll be in St. Pete ya B*&^rds" he said and "I'll bite all your a*&s'....there's no rules in St.Pete!"

BUCKY, who was tearfully reunited with MrOffshore for this race, headed for dry land upon seeing FLAMENCO and his gun. Hopefully MrOffshore can convince BUCKY to race in St.Pete, as we're pretty sure KASSERI and FLAMENCO have eloped and will not return.

Russ' BANANALLAMA was also a victim of the UGGLLAMY controversy, and has filed a protest with SLOW. He has threatened to boycott St.Pete and head to Huntington Beach.

Finally....there's GEEZER, the Nola Plod's worlds oldest living llama.

SOMEBODY CHECK HIS PULSE PLEASE.

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