An exciting year of llama racing is coming to a close as over two dozen
of the baddest llamas have converged on Biloxi, Mississippi, for the Biloxi
Llama Offshore Wars. Llamafeeder (King Daddy of SLOW) would like to thank
all entrants and team members for their participation and sense o humor in
1998.
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KASSERI
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An obvious favorite, KASSERI (team
Boatkitten & Rx4FLfun) shown here ready to rock...evidently Kasseri's night job (see HOT
LLAMA) has had no effect on her desire to race. Kasseri won in Sarasota, but
has been in a slump, and plans to show the world that that win was no fluke. |
FLAMENCO
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The self proclaimed "king of the waves" (team
H82luz1) has been undergoing "shock treatment" in an effort
to be ready for the worlds. Unidentified sources say that Flamenco
was sticking his tongue in the cigarette lighter on the way to Biloxi.
Scary stuff eh? Rumor has it he was seen in extremis with
Kasseri recently.. |
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RABIES VAC
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Another favorite, team Laser's "RABIES VAC" is
coming into Bilox with incredible momentum having set a new Kilo Record
in Sarasota
as well as a llama speed record... |
GURDIE
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Here we see GURDIE the trailer trash llama, straightening up around
her mobile home somewhere in Florida. We assume Billy Badarse is going
to bring Gurdie to the Worlds.. |
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MOONPIE
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After continuous improvement all year, MOONPIE
(the clueless llama) has returned to the AOF/Propnut stable after rumors
of Moonpie selling out for the glamour of offshore..Connie said "no comment" when
asked how much money it took to re-sign MoonPie...MoonPie was quoted
as saying, "yummm...orchard grass...." |
WEENIEHUFFER
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Gobb24's entry WEENIEHUFFER has had a rough season to say the least...(see
tabloid) but Gobb says that Weenie has a clearer head since taking up
a new hobby....(see Skydive) and has been
eating fajitas by the dozen to get in shape for the biiiig race, "taking llamaracing to theological
levels". On top of that he has to live with Gobb in the Texas graphics
shanty.. Somebody call the Humane Society... |
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GEEZER
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Team NOA POD insists that GEEZER, the World's Oldest Living Llama will
be there ready to go at the Worlds'...we'll see. |
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 We would like to take a moment and
recognize a true hero, Mr. Offshore's timid llama BUCKY, who after
traumatic life experiences in Chicago and an absence for many years, has surfaced in the Gulf
region flying "hurricane watch",
to protect the lives and livelihood of people and llamas everywhere.
Thank you BUCKY and Mr.Offshore!
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SPEEDBUMP |
On another note, the "racer formerly known
as LUSER's entry "SPEEDBUMP", hasn't been seen since the post race BBQ at Ventura. If anyone spots
Speedbump please notify SLOW. |
IRISH O'LLAMA |
OK..back to racing. JJ O'Tooles IRISH O'LLAMA reportedly can't wait
to get into the casinos and bars in Biloxi. Irish O'Llama will probobly
not be a threat to anybody but the barmaids. |
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KRRALLAMA |
A newcomer to the SLOW scene...KRRALLAMA! Phil Mitchell says his KRRallama
is sporting a new llamapoop brown paint job and is going to show everybody
the way around the couse in Bilox. Time will tell. Welcome Phil. |
REBELLAMA |
Yes it's none other than Dean Wilson's REBELLAMA, the Ventura winner
that kicked Aussie butt and feeling real confident for the upcoming
BLOW. Rebellama has vowed to "Take no prisoners." |
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ARONOW |
Harry L's llama ARONOW has had good finishes all year, and is detrmined
to live up to his mentor and namesake for the Biloxi race. |
KINETILLAMA |
Another new entrant...Ryan B's KINETILLAMA..form the Kinetic Animation
empire. Little is known about this llama, but he is definitely running
a close second to Ugllamy in the looks department...Welcome Ryan. |
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ALPO | 
HOLY BULL |
One of the better rivalries in SLOW...ALPO
(left) Mike A's lawyerly llama (say that 3 times real fast) vs
HOLY BULL, Boob Bull's Factory Racing Alpaca. Alpo says he's had
enough of that *&%$ non llama Holy Bull... Boob was unavailable
for comment, as he was testing at the secret llama testing grounds,
FARM X. |
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UGGLAMY |
BANANALLAMA
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Another heated rivalry will come to a head in Biloxi. Ric's UGGLAMY (left,
with the illegal nitrous tank installed on port side of head) vs Russ's
BANANALLAMA, who has found himself at a disadvantage all year, claiming
that it's not fair to let something that ugly race...We at SLOW are politically
correct...anybody can race, even if they are genetically challenged...sorry
Russ. |
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LLAMABOUT
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LLAMALINER
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Similar in name, but built very differently, LLAMABOUT
(left) and LLAMALINER (right). Llamabout and Llamaliner are both
fairly sporty looking, but will they be able to last 2 races in Biloxi? "All
show no go" is the phrase circulating around the pits...
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LLAMOTION |
 Which brings us to Eric Engler's LLAMOTION. Llamotion had
the Palm Beach race in the bag but blew it after falling in love with
a questionable looking hay bale floating on the course. Llamotion swears
it won't happen again, and will be in Biloxi, Kevlar undies and all...
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SCARRALLAMA
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GOODFELLAMA |
A couple of regulars...SCARRALLAMA (left) from
Mike C's team, and GOODFELLAMA (right) from team CoolWhip. Both claim
that they are done fooling around...Scarallama says his Scarab is
the bomb, and Goodfellama says he's going to send "his boys" after
anybody that gets in his way.
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BAD BERTHA |
ELIMILLAMA |
A couple more regulars...some left coast llamas...BAD
BERTHA (left) belonging to Mike Lee, and ELIMILLAMA (right) from
the Ben Curtis camp. Bad Bertha is looking confident..and Elimillama
is in a positive mood after a 3rd place finish in Ventura.
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UPDATE!
2 last minute entries have been recieved for the second race contingent
upon their fullfilling the late entry requirements. |
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  Llamamiget (left) standing next to an unknown crewmember,
is a short yet vicious llama. His teammate HYDROC139 says that he is
known for ankle biting during competition. Hopefully Flamenco will aim low.
GTX4ME has entered "Tunnellama". Some misguided souls have suggested
that a tunnellama is the "only real racing llama". The rest of
the competitors are waiting to see how Tunnellama handles the real water. |
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| It will be an interesting pair of races in Biloxi, because
Official SLOW Inspector Andrew Corn has declared this a "run what
ya brung" event. Illegal ballast tanks, nitrous tanks, helium tanks...it
is sure to all be there. We wish the competitors luck. |